Who has two thumbs and has been suffering some nasty depression the last 2-3 weeks?
👍 👍 THIS GIRL
Luckily, I wasn’t completely idle during that time. Just to get back on the blogging bandwagon, here’s what I’ve been up to.
You’re Writing for Friends, by Mette Ivie Harrison. Pullquote: “Here’s what I want you to remember: You’re not writing for everyone.”
How Hyperfixation Helps Me Cope With Anxiety and Depression. Or: why Lise games more when she’s struggling with depression. I posted this on Facebook, but it’s important enough that I’ll repeat it for the people in the back. In particular, I identified with this quote:
“I don’t know how to cope with my undesirable thoughts without total immersion.
“If I’m not binging on a show, the thoughts are more likely to make an appearance. If I don’t listen to a specific artist or album on repeat, my mind is filled with self-loathing thoughts rather than lyrics.”
When I’m having bad days, thoughts like, “maybe I should have more mastery on my afflic lock?” are a welcome distraction from the chorus of “hate HATE hate HATE HATE.”
A friend of mine replied with, “At what point does hyperfixation become addiction?” It’s a good question, but I’m not sure I know the answer. The facile answer is, “When it becomes harmful,” but in the moment it’s sometimes hard to see the line. I know I’ve crossed it a few times in my life. Mostly these days I think I manage it pretty well; I’m a lot better than I used to be at recognizing when everything in-game starts to take on a funhouse-mirror over-significance. One thing I stopped doing recently — which probably helped me dig out of this depression — is visiting the WoW subreddit, which is a font of negativity and misogyny. Leaving that helped me step back and gain some perspective.
– Worked on Lioness edits ~ 7.5 hours total
– Attended writing group
– Read Heretics and Heroes, by Thomas Cahill
– Read Love in the Time of Victoria, by Françoise Barret-Ducrocq
– Read Double Negative, by David Carkeet
– Read “With Cardamom I’ll Bind Their Lips” by Beth Cato (Uncanny Magazine #15A)
– Listened to Stuff You Missed in History Class episodes: “The New London School Explosion,” “Interview: Dr. Henry Louis Gates, Jr”, “Jules Cotard and the Syndrome Named After Him”, “Aphra Behn, Writer and Spy”, “H.P. Lovecraft”
– Listened to Writing Excuses #12.6-12.14
– Listened to Happier with Gretchen Rubin #109-112
– Listened to The Training Dummies #159-163
– Watched episodes 1-4 of the new MST3K
– Watched episodes 1-23 of season one of Forensic Files (it’s all on Netflix now, ohmygod, I love this show)
– Watched The Brontes. This was so good, and made me want to know more about the sisters!
– Got the “Ahead of the Curve: Gul’dan” achievement in WoW (basically completing heroic Nighthold with my guild)
– Got the “Accomplished Angler” achievement in WoW (finally, after many years). So now my main is titled “Salty” Silbuns.
– Visited my mom in upstate NY
– Had dinner at Bluefin with Kevin
– Attended 2-day leadership training
– Attended MBTI training (I came out as an ISFP, in case you were curious — maybe a post on that later?)
– Finished the CI Scrubber redesign project
– Zombies run 5K training: week 6, workout 2 (3mi) — I ran for 10 minutes straight!
– Zombies run 5K training: week 6, workout 3 (2.95mi)
– Zombies run 5K training: week 7, workout 1 (2.67mi)
– Zombies run 5K training: week 7, workout 2 (2.69mi)
– Zombies run 5K training: week 7, workout 3
– Zombies run 5K training: week 6, workout 1 (3.06mi)
– Zombies run 5K training: week 6, workout 3
– Zombies run 5K training: week 7, workout 1 (2.92mi)
– Had fasting bloodwork
I took a ten-day break from running in there, and REGRETTED MY LIFE AND MY CHOICES, as I’d lost a lot of progress. But I’m mostly back on track now, and approaching the end of the 5K training program. Who knows — maybe I’ll actually run a 5K once I’m done?